Two months of 2016 already down, and it appears the rest of the year will be over in a blink of an eye. Now I am not a political guy, and I rarely engage in political talk. So this is not a political blog post, but more so what irritates me about the majority of people’s mindset on failure.
I saw this image going around this week and it got under my skin. Now let me make this clear, I do not support Donald Trump or the dumb things that come out of his mouth. But this meme goes against every aspect of my mindset. This is a perpetuation of the ‘failure is bad’ culture. So things like this can really piss off those who understand the power of failure and how much a person can learn from it.
Look, you can’t deny Trump is a successful figure. Every time he has gone bankrupt, he has come back stronger, and I can guarantee you there are far more failures that aren’t on that list and are even more colossal to him. However, it is clear he has never let those failures stand in his way of success. Do you have to like him? No! Do you have to think he is a good person? Nope! But this isn’t about Trump, it is about perpetuating the idea that failure is a bad thing. Think about this idea before you share something like this on social media, or jump on the hate bandwagon for a mistake someone has made.
The reason I think this meme is a problem, and that most political ads are terrible, is because they emphasize how bad failure is. This is the worst possible thing you can do for someone who hasn’t figured out how to use failure to their advantage. Like the kids who have a problem raising their hands in class because they are afraid they will give the wrong answer and all the other kids will laugh. This is the last thing these kids need to see. It just instills an even deeper fear of failure.
Everything you do has both negative and positive aspects. You don’t focus on the negative aspects of everything you do during the day, do you? So why is it that many people choose to focus on the negative aspects of failure? By doing this, you’re practically ensuring that your learning process will be slow and cumbersome.
I realize that every person is different and reacts to failure in their own way. So let me put this into the context of team sports. Generally, I am not the type of person that encourages rewarding every single person for their efforts. But do I think there is anything wrong with every kid getting a trophy at the end of the year? No. I do, however, make sure that every single kid I coach knows the difference between that and a championship trophy. So why do it at all? It’s because I know how hard I push those kids during the season and I remember my own experiences in sports.
Looking back, I don’t think I even cared about the trophy. I just wanted to hear what my coach had to say about my performance that year. The trophy just got chucked into the closet. While I know for a fact that kids learn from failures, I believe a majority of kids lack the ability to assess their failures and execute a better strategy to not repeat that failure without outside reinforcement. This outside reinforcement often comes in the form of a negative response to an action. Yet, countless studies show kids learn best from the acknowledgement of their own and others’ successes. I remember that when my coach said something awesome about another kid and didn’t say something cool like that for me, it really stuck in my head. I would make a note of it and remember to add that to my repertoire of skills for the next season.
As adults, most of us have the ability to evaluate our successes and failures and then act accordingly. This is why we don’t need a trophy at the end of every year. If I enter an image into an art contest I don’t expect a participation trophy, because I am an adult. My effort was not good enough to warrant acknowledgement. I will take some time to evaluate why those other artists were good enough and then compare and contrast the elements of my image and move on to the next 10, 100, 1,000 images. However, I think there is an incredible number of people out there who become petrified by fear and never enter a contest again.
You have to fight that fear of failure, what is the worst that is going to happen? Are you going to jail because you made the wrong first mark? What is it that you are really going to lose by screwing up? The thing about failure is every time you fail you are one step closer to succeeding. Since you just failed you are that much faster and more efficient the next time around. If you embrace the fact that you are going to fail all the time, you will start using that knowledge to improve. “Welp that attempt didn’t work but I have this, this, and this, that I can use in the future.” That is what is amazing about failure. It arms you with the tools your need to succeed.
I have reached a point where I realize that failure sucks, but I am still going to put my head on my pillow at night and wake up the next day, knowing the world will keep turning regardless. I know I will still have my wife and kids and family around me, and I know that I can teach my kids that failure is nothing to fear. I know what success feels like and the tremendous feeling of accomplishment that comes from that. And I can show my kids from the millions of failures that as long as you didn’t give up, you will find success.
The reason it is good to acknowledge the positives in young minds and give trophies at the end of the year is that you are building a foundation of success. We are teaching kids from a young age what success feels like rather than, ”failure sucks, so I don’t want to experience that again.” They may sound similar but I can guarantee the mindsets are wildly different and the results will prove that. The first breeds the mindset of “I am going to go all out to achieve my dreams, goals, and desires”, while the other breeds a cautious, fearful approach to life.
In today’s world we seem to emphasize the bad and failures, but only acknowledge the good. If we want to live in a better world, we need to celebrate the good and merely acknowledge the bad and failures. By doing this, we will encourage more young minds to grow and strive to be wildly successful, with a mindset that breeds the desire to achieve and give back.
I would like to leave you with a quote that a good friend of mine said to me when she read this piece. “Show me a person who has never failed epically, and I will show your a person who has never tried epic.”
What is your biggest and what did you take away from it?
As usual here are some sketches from last week.
I normally write these posts on Saturday mornings but don’t post till Monday so I can reread and have each post edited, which allowed me to see this peice from John Oliver which is pretty awesome, and seemed fitting since the post started with Donald Drumpf.